Every woman’s biggest worry is to find a lump in her breast. While it may just be a cyst, and entirely harmless, chances are that it is malignant, and may metastasize…
Back in January, I found a knot, something that did not feel normal and certainly had not been there before. For a few days I kept feeling for it, hoping it was just my imagination, or that it would go away. It didn’t go away, and my worry got the better of me and I went to see my doctor.
She confirmed the knot, and ordered a diagnostic mammogram. That confirmed irregularities, both in my breast and the lymph nodes… and a biopsy was ordered. Diagnosis: invasive ductal carcinoma in the breast, metastatic carcinoma in the lymph nodes.
I took a few deep breaths. Tried to fight back the tears, as I was at work when I got the call that I did in fact have breast cancer. I told my managers and they let me ‘hide out’ in the back receiving and labelling merchandise. That was good. It kept me busy and kept me away from customers who might have asked why I was crying.
With the confirmation of the diagnosis came the consultation with the surgeon. He explained everything to me, calmly and in plain English, and due to the cancer having already spread to the lymph nodes, suggested neo adjuvant therapy – Chemo before surgery, to shrink the masses for easier and more successful surgery, and to stop further spreading. An appointment with the oncologist followed, who confirmed the plan, and explained the nect steps, the process of Chemotherapy, the drugs that would be used, and how everything would go moving forward… More pre Chemo tests were scheduled, a PET scan to confirm if the cancer has spread anywhere else, and an Echocardiogram to ensure my heart is healthy and strong enough to handle Chemo. Also the surgical placement of the port for the administration of the Chemo drugs is scheduled. After that, Chemo will start.
So far so good, we have a plan, the steps are in place, and I am rolling with it as cool, calm, and collected as I can. Thankfully, I have a couple of people who have gone thru it who are cheering me on, and sharing their experiences… And I now have wonderful people who are helping me with rides, suggestions, herbal supplements, and loving support in every way they can offer.
I think the most difficult part of the process was the waiting after each bit of information… And the fact that I don’t have a car and couldn’t find anyone to drive me to the mammogram after I first found the lump… It took two months to schedule and find a ride to it. Then, each following step was another week away. I felt so frustrated, perhaps just out of the worry that it has stretched out so long when the cancer was clearly spreading… But everyone I spoke to who has been through this confirmed that it was the normal progression of things.
Other fear factors are unrelated health concerns that I am trying to get under control, as well as the worry that the one permanent impact Chemo will have on my health is that it will worsen my neuropathy, the nerve damage in my legs and feet…
But the biggest concern for me is the financial aspect. I have market place insurance with a very high deductible… At the time I chose that plan, I did not expect to have any major health issues that required more than to see my primary care physician, for which my copay was only $25… So far, my insurance has not paid a dime, and even before PETscan, surgery/port placement, and Echocardiogram I am at over $5000 out of pocket… Not to mention all the time I am off work for appointment after appointment… And the prospect of a full day Chemo session every three weeks, and possibly more time off as I feel the effects of Chemo… And I know there will be bad days.
How will I cope with loss of income and still be able to pay rent, buy a car or get mine fixed, considering constantly rising cost of groceries and other necessities… The stress is mounting.
But I know that keeping a positive attitude and staying calm no matter what happens, is going to be key to getting through this. And I know that I will get through this.
All I can do is take this leg of my life journey one step at a time. It is going to be a long one, and it’s gonna be a trip. I have invested in a few fun wigs, and look forward to my hair growing back full and thick and beautiful…
I stand with all the women who have gone through it, and all those who are going through it now and in the future. Treatments are getting better and better, the health care providers are experienced and kind and caring, and the success rate in beating breast cancer is huge. We got this!
Felicity Farm Felties 