Where is that little light?

How do you stay positive when you share your living space with someone who wakes up angry and whines and cusses and swears and acts on his anger every moment of every day?

How do you deal with your own grief and challenges in a positive way when this negativity is all around you?

I am feeling stuck on the dark side and I can’t find the little light of mine to let it shine. Every tiny amber I reach for is killed, every star shot down.

There are so many happy thoughts and big ideas. And yet I can’t seem to hold on to any one. I am on a derailed train and it is going over that cliff. Fast.

I know very well that someone else’s issues aren’t mine. Have nothing to do with me. And I know I have a choice to let them bounce off. I just can’t seem to hold on to any hope, can’t find anything to look forward to. Eight of Swords? Nine of Swords?

It only takes 16 seconds to start a new train of thoughts, new energy, new momentum. 16 seconds focus on something to smile about… To focus on that little light in a sleeping cat. Or in the pretty birds pecking away joyfully at the suet I left for them. Or the trusting little chipmunk wreaking havoc in the yard…

I am looking forward to spring when days are longer and brighter and every critter is out and about.

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Home Alone for the Holidays

Christmas eve. I am sitting here in an empty house… Just my animals and I. No fancy dinner with lots of people. No laughter, excited voices, clinking glasses, christmas carols and no blinking lights and tinseled christmas tree… No embarrassing family stories, no presents, no regrets.

It may seem sad, to have none of the typical definitions we so readily attribute to the holidays. And yet, all the commercially created festivity aside, in the stillness I am content and I remember the true origin of Christmas. 

The birth of Jesus. He had no fancy dinner and no festive christmas decorations. Born in a simple barn with only the animals and his parents sharing a moment of quiet celebration and appreciation. 

To me there is no place more perfect to celebrate Christmas and the true gift of love and life and the power of truth within me than the quiet of a manger surrounded only by animals and the presence of spirit. What a blessing to be living on a farm, here and now, and to enjoy a time of solitude and reflection in this still and peaceful winter landscape.